A word I have struggled with for years.
I sat on my sleeping bag in a tent in Yosemite National Park in the summer of 2018, and wept. I felt so alone; I felt like everyone’s second choice. I wanted to be picked, to be wanted, to be chosen.
Earlier that year, someone had almost chosen me. Someone I cared about, had been seemingly close to picking me. But then, they didn’t. I was devastated, embarrassed, and hurt. It seemed like a broken record in my life: being dropped by friends and passed over by others, and “we were going to go hang out…I guess you can come too if you want.” Throughout my childhood, middle school, and high school, I scrambled for people that wanted me. Time and time again, however, I would come to find out that these people continuously picked someone else over me.
God had continually reminded me over that year that He chose me. I would say “I know! Of course!”, but then would go on and my heart would forget it. I would focus on being chosen by others: my friends, my family, and everyone else.
It was on the floor of the tent in Yosemite that God whispered something to me that I will never forget: “I choose you.” – “I know,” I said. – “You have to let me.”
God wrecked me then. I had been so wrapped up in being picked by others that I had closed off my heart to letting God pick me. Since that moment, I have been working on letting God choose me. Now this may sound self-absorbed, because OF COURSE God is all powerful, and I can’t “let” Him do anything. Despite my strong-willed nature, God was waiting for me to turn my heart to Him – to open up my heart to be chosen by Him and no one else.
Letting God and God alone choose me has been a journey like I haven’t ever experienced. He has taught me a few things along the way that have changed my outlook and have shaped my life.
First, letting God choose me has been a process. It wasn’t an overnight change. God spoke these words to me three years ago, and I still struggle. God choosing me comes in the little things. It comes in the evening Texas sun on my face, the laughter of my friends, and singing worship music in my car. God choosing me comes in moments when I feel most myself – God chooses me, the person He created me to be.
Second, God has used the testimony of something that I find embarrassing to impact the lives of my friends. Not being chosen or wanted feels lonely. God, however, had different plans for this story. I do not think that I can count the number of times that God has given me the opportunity to speak over younger girls, friends, or even older friends. God continually uses the story (even three years later!) of a time that someone passed me over to remind people that they are wanted by Him.
So here I am, reminding you. God chooses you. He created you. He wants the you that you only are when you are alone or with your friends super late at night. God picks you. There is something in you that God gave to only you. And He chooses that in you. But you, my friend, must let God choose you.
Thank Him. It’s a heart posture of gratitude, an attitude of “you and me.” It’s in the walks to class, where no one is really watching you, but you know that the God of the Universe sees that goofy grin on your face. It’s in the way you sit with your friends on the floor or call your mom. Simply stated, it’s the understanding that in everything you do, it’s you and God. No matter where you go, or who you are with, it’s not me and this guy or me and this friend, it’s me and God.
So, let God choose you. I promise, it one of the most fulfilling, most beautiful things you will ever experience.